


Odi Et Amo

by kattahj



Category: X-Men (Movies)
Genre: Love/Hate, M/M, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-02-15
Updated: 2002-02-15
Packaged: 2017-11-08 15:05:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/444484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kattahj/pseuds/kattahj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just because you don't like someone, that doesn't mean you're not crazy about them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Odi Et Amo

**”Hate/love, love\hate: cross purposes.  
You want to know how come?  
Don't know. Do know I feel it come.  
Flesh, spike: I'm both, I'm torn.”  
\- Catullus, translation by Jane Wilson Joyce**

 

_"Cyclops, right?”  
The presence of that annoying preppie filled his senses. He was angry and frustrated already, this element of lust was more than he needed. In a violent caress, he grabbed the other man to push him aside. Anything, just to get rid of this, get rid of him. And to get a chance to touch him.  
”Care to get out of my way?”_

_”Maybe it’s his way with people.”  
Scott kept his voice cynical and fought the thoughts that came rushing into his mind. This was ridiculous. Logan was the worst kind of troublemaker, a selfish brute with no cares for anything. No cares for… stop it! It wasn’t as if Scott even really liked him.  
”You don’t like him”, Xavier said, confirming his thoughts. The ”but” coming up couldn’t quite be put into words, but the professor gently reflected Scott’s own thoughts, every secret, forbidden image. Although shocked, Scott kept his usual emotionless surface.  
”How could you tell?”  
Xavier watched him lovingly, maybe slightly worried, like a father his son.  
”I am a psychic, you know."_

”I can’t *believe* this!” Scott’s first excitement at seeing Logan enter the school grounds was soon replaced into anger. ”What have you done to her?”

Logan raised an eyebrow. ”Her? You actually call your bike her? How lame is that?”

He weakened seeing Scott’s genuine horror. When you have created something with your own hands, putting time and effort into making it a work of art, maybe you’re entitled to be a bit lame. ”Don’t worry, it’s nothing that can’t be fixed.”

”Well, let’s hope you’re right, ’cause you’re going to fix it with me, right now.” Scott was too concerned with his bike to even think about what he had just said until it was too late. He would have to be alone with Logan - something he had tried to avoid ever since they first met. He couldn’t meet Logan’s eyes and was glad it didn’t show.

Now, Logan wasn’t the one to take an order, not from anyone, no matter how cute they were. Still, he *was* the one to crash the bike in the first place, and there was nothing really unreasonable in Scott’s request, so he guessed he would have to do it. That didn’t mean he had to like it. ”Fine.”

As they took the bike inside, Logan’s irritation built up. He had made it clear to himself why he had agreed to this, but not to Scott, and he didn’t want that stuck-up do-gooder to think he could order him around anytime. ”Just don’t think I’m doing this for your pretty eyes’ sake.” Damn, what did he say such a thing for? He noticed Scott wincing ever so slightly and wished he hadn’t touched that tender spot. And besides… it wasn’t entirely truthful.

Scott couldn’t even speak, he was afraid that if he did, his voice would show just how much that remark had hurt him. Not until they had already started working on the bike did he trust his voice enough to say: ”Sometimes I actually think you could be an asset to the group. But maybe I’m wrong. I guess all you are is a spoiled, selfish bully who has lived Lord knows how many years and yet never managed to grow up.”

Ow. ”What, are you saying I’m childish?”

”Well, you hardly strike me as mature”, Scott said, even managing that smirk he knew infuriated Logan. Any emotion was better than none. Mature - well, maybe not, but what a man. The bare sight of him filled him up completely.

Childish, huh? Not enough man for the preppie? Logan was infuriated, and all he wanted to do was to grab Scott right now and show him exactly how much of a man he was. Yet all he had to rely on was words. ”Tell me, did someone like, severly hit you in the head when you were little?”

Scott’s jaw tightened. Oh, God, that one hadn’t even been intentional. Logan was shocked by the effect his words had, then curious and concerned. ”Scott?”

Scott concentrated on his work, heating up the dented metal with his beam. ”Hand me the spanner.”

Logan obeyed, without even thinking about it as an order. ”You… how? Was it an accident?”

”If you don’t mind”, Scott snapped, ”I’m trying to work here.”

Logan didn’t push the issue, but his eyes followed Scott intensely until the other man put down his tools with a sigh and turned to him, speaking in a cold, distant voice.

”It was a planecrash. My parents were killed, I survived with a brain injury. That’s why I need this.” He tapped his visor. ”If you think that’s terribly amusing, go along. Personally, I don’t.”

”Amusing!?” That was it, this kid needed a lesson. Logan pushed him up to the wall, and his claws shot out. ”Why, do you think these are amusing? You think you’re so much better than me, don’t you? Well, what makes you so god damned special? That you’re the professor’s favourite, is that it? Maybe you can tell a bunch of screwed up kids how to run their lives, but don’t you come thinking you’ve got *me* figured out. I’m twice as much a man than you will ever be, and I…”

He didn’t have time to finish his sentence. Scott was certainly not as strong as he was, but a quick movement could still do the trick. A hard punch knocked him out of control for a second and was followed by a short period of intense, hatred-filled fighting until Logan had Scott up against the wall again. Only, this time, their bodies were so close Scott’s scent almost stunned Logan, and he couldn’t help leaning closer, his rugged face near the younger man’s softer one. He felt Scott’s mouth touching his own, Scott’s tongue slipping into his mouth, and at this moment, life was perfect.

He sank to the floor, still holding on to Scott, so that the man rested in his arms, and the kisses continued, first violent, then softer. He couldn’t recall ever touching anyone like this, man or woman. Sure, he had had his share of bedwarmers, but not like this. Had there been something like this earlier in his life, in that part he couldn’t remember? Part of him hoped it had been, he liked the thought of his former self being this happy. But he didn’t like the thought of being this happy and forget about it. To have a moment you wanted to cherish forever and then not be able to do it.

”You arrogant little dick”, he mumbled softly.

Scott felt Logan’s hands wandering across his face and sighed with delight. He adored Jean and found her more than satisfying, so not until now did he realise that he had actually missed a man’s touch. It was funny, right now he felt like he could trust Logan with his life. When Logan asked: ”Can I take this off?” he simply nodded and closed his eyes, relaxing in the other man’s strong arms, trusting someone else’s strength for once. He felt Logan’s hands, and then lips, touch his eyelids.

”How come I never knew you could be this beautiful?” Logan’s voice was hoarse.

”How come I never knew you could be this soft?” Scott countered, and Logan laughed a little.

”I guess we have a lot to learn about each other”, he said, then thought a bit and continued: ”Well, I guess I have a bit to learn about myself, too.”

”No luck on your trip?” Scott tried to keep up normal conversation just to keep himself from going crazy from Logan’s fingers on his face.

”A little, but I could use Xavier’s help with interpreting it.” Logan didn’t want to talk about that. All that existed now was the present, this very minute. ”Your face looks so fragile without those hotshot glasses. I wish I could keep you like this forever.”

”Forever is an awfully long time to go with my eyes closed”, Scott said with a grin.

”What’s your record so far?” Logan teased him.

The grin disappeared. ”Two months.”

Logan instantly turned serious, too. ”That can’t have been pleasant.”

A lonely teenager with no one in the world to belong to, trying to get love by good behaviour, and then suddenly finding himself banned from humanity, lost in a dark world where nobody would reach out to help him. When he had gotten the chance, he had fought to get back what he had lost and more, and he had succeeded. His life was fine now, he had his job, the professor, Jean… so why did it feel like he could easily have gone back to that terror again, as long as he could have Logan’s hands touching him the way they did now?

”It wasn’t.” He leaned over and kissed Logan. ”This is.”

Logan’s pleased grin was so wide Scott could almost see it. ”I guess Jean doesn’t know that you’re gay, huh?”  
Shock entered Scott’s mind, and he had to fight an urge to open his eyes to stare at Logan. He realised Logan’s misunderstanding, and he also realised something else. As lovely as this was, it couldn’t last forever. He would have to make a choice, and he knew what that choice had to be.

”I… Logan, I’m not gay, I’m bi. There’s a pretty significant difference.” He stood up, distressed, running his fingers through his hair. ”Maybe this was…”

”Don’t say it.” Logan rose to his feet as well.

”What?”

”Don’t say this was a mistake. I’ll kill you if you do.” The threat disappeared and Logan pressed the visor into Scott’s hand. ”Besides, you can’t leave wihout this.”

Scott put it on and looked Logan straight into his eyes. He knew it didn’t show, but for his own sake, he had to. ”I love Jean. I want to marry her, spend the rest with my life with her. You and I… that’s lust, passion. It’s a beautiful thing, but it doesn’t last. Jean is my soulmate, and I would never forgive myself if I lost her for being…”

”In lust with me?” Logan suggested, and Scott had to smile.

”Yeah.”

Logan hated to admit it, but the little dick made sense. This must be his destiny or something, he thought wryly. He had flirted with Jean and been turned down for Scott’s sake. Now he had been turned down by Scott for Jean’s sake. It wouldn’t surprise him if those two were meant for each other or something.

”Well, I wouldn’t forgive you either”, he muttered, turning away to take care of the last couple of things on the bike so he could have a reason to get the hell out of there.

”I’ll take care of that.” Scott’s voice was calm and Logan nodded his consent.

Halfway out the door he realised that he didn’t want to leave like this. He wanted to at least be able to look at the preppie without any hard feelings. There was only one way to do that. Insults.

”Okay, fairy boy, see you around.”

Scott’s face revealed no emotion as he amiably replied:

”Go to hell, Logan.”

He stood in the doorway, watching Logan leave. Yup, he had made the right decision, but still… Oh mama, what a fine looking man.

 

THE END


End file.
